‘are you nervous’ becky anderson asked me. ‘you can’t be, you do this sh*t all the time’ nick spang laughed and poked more spaghetti into a gumdrop. i was quiet. this felt different.
***
what went thru my mind last night on stage:
“crap! my slides are screwed up! and crap! i just spent way too many seconds thinking about how my slides are screwed up! crap, while i was thinking about how my slides were screwed up, they keep advancing anyway… wtf… i better quit this thinking crap….!”
man, everyone ought to try it. what i love about ignite is pure passion. and i love pure passion. there is a rawness to the event. the venue was cold, sticky, dusty and i was nervous. yes, pretty darn nervous. i could hear it in my breathing.
why was i nervous? i present all the time? huh?
few things: 5 minutes is a flash in the pan + eternity, i could not see the audience… seriously: the audience was pitch black and it felt like no one was out there, like speaking to a black hole… (is anyone friggen’ out there?) the slides auto-advanced every (kind of) 15 seconds, my slides were screwed up (uh- they worked on my computer/s), i was in my home territory. i know the audience (even tho couldn’t see them). i have a crush on a few of the guys in the audience (they have no idea), i am used to talking to hundreds of strangers most of whom i will never see again. this crowd knows me, i play with them, and they are ready and willing to give feedback (thank you kathy gill and brian dorsey… i truly loved that!)
and why was that awesome? because being nervous, feeling harmless fear is wonderful thing. it means i was challenged verses being on auto pilot. i felt like i was ‘just starting out’ again last night at ignite. i was out of my comfort zone on home base (seattle). oddly cool. delicious.
what an experience. to sit amongst the other speakers, feed off their nerves, passion, energy. the talks ranged from: ’huh?’, ‘yer kidding’, ‘i don’t get it’ to ‘i really have no idea’, to ‘wow’, to ‘that’s hilarious’ to, ‘are you serious’ to…. wtf.
i loved them all. all the speakers, the energy, brady so diligently summoning us right before we spoke, the ignite team managing what someone called a ‘mac orgy.’ all of it. i simply love ignite. in some odd way it was a love-fest. i knew the people, many of them have seen + helped salaamgarage (and me) grow from where it was to where it is now, it’s a community that immediately embraced an outsider like me: a photojournalist and writer who gives a shit without an iphone (me @ gnomedex ’08).
who are these people, where did they come from? how is it there is a community of people who are willing to listen to god knows what on a thursday night, cheer you on, and forgive your screwed up slides? imagine.
ahhh. for me ignite is like a platform or maybe a lasso for reckless creativity and passion. a little welcome love mat with subliminal messages that say ‘i love you, say what you gotta say, deal with the screwed up slides and make room for the next guy. and i still love you.’ and man, was i nervous up there and man, would i do it again in a heartbeat.
thank you ignite. thank you for doing what you do and for opening your arms wide to anyone who says ‘this is what a geek looks like, give me 5 min, let me do my thing.’




























@ sxsw: sit down and be ok with ‘what if’…
I got here a few hours ago. nearly collapsed on my hotel bed, but remembered reading somewhere to get my badge asap, place closes in 1 hour.
sigh.
off the bed, refresh, chewing on some organic energy cliff candy becky left in my car (which i now carry in my purse, subsequently all the way to austin). so, scouring the streets, chewing on a ‘candy’ that would my make my dentist scowl, happy its a warm and balmy, happy to be in sandals… looking for yet another convention center.
found my new crowd, hopped into the mega building, found the non-line, line for ‘presenters.’ that’s me.
i’m here to lead a core conversation called ‘Citizen Journalism and the little NGO that could.’ http://my.sxsw.com/events/event/443
… and its a total honor. this crazy idea i had a few years ago landed me here. tho not really landed, because it’s a continuum. this past week was monumental. something snapped in me and all of the sudden (i know, i say this often, but this is different.. and i say that often cuz it is) a whole new realm opened up. all of the sudden i let go of what could happen if i do these next 5 things to what could happen, and i don’t know what 5 things it takes to get there.
but what if….
… and shazam. i had some conversations this week that catapulted my mind and salaamgarage into that space. and the next 5 things to get to well, those 5 things seem totally insignificant now.
obscure, i know. but i think one reaches a point in their career, or life where you can either just do the next 5 things and check ‘em off, or imagine what if, and let the 5 -500 things appear eventually, because there was no way to have ever scribbled how to answer what if on the to-do list.
you see, this is the whole deal with our sxsw panel. forget the to-do list. really, sit down and be ok with ‘what if.’ because its that thinking that will expand this planet to a place we’ve never imagined possible.
does this make sense?
stay tuned, from sxsw in austin,
amanda